Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Rosenberg's Power Five Bottom Ten for Week 6

By: Jeremy Rosenberg

Join me each week as I unmask the worst of the best, the teams that play in big time conferences, but end up with small time accomplishments. My bottom ten is made up only of so-called power five conference members. I have little interest in haranguing the UTEPs or Bowling Greens or Rices of the world. Nope, I’m after schools with massive football budgets, coaches with obnoxious salaries, and legions of sheep-like fanboys and fangirls that refuse to admit their program sucks.

10. Arkansas (2-3)

            The Razorbacks had last week off, which allowed tens of thousands of Arkansans to find something worthwhile to do, as opposed to watching Hog football. It’s one thing to be a diretionless program, it is quite another to be a directionless program in the SEC West. Dark, dark days ahead in Fayetteville.

Next week: @ Kentucky (Lose at home to Arkansas and there just might be a spot in the Bottom Ten waiting for the ‘Cats.)

Prognosis: Kentucky wins a close and barely watchable game.

9. Oregon State (2-3)

            Don’t look now but the Beavers have won two of three, and their close loss to Stanford looks even better now that Washington laid an egg against the Cardinal. Oregon State’s remaining schedule is murderous, so don’t expect them to leave the Bottom Ten any time soon.

Next week: vs. Utah (The murderousness begins. The Utes still have Pac-12 title ambitions.)

Prognosis:Utah will trounce Oregon State.

8. Purdue (1-4)

            Penn State predictably pummeled Purdue, a team that was barely any good before they were racked with injuries. We are hitting the general despair part of the season in West Lafayette. Basketball season can’t come soon enough for the Boilers.

Next week: vs. Maryland (The Terps’ schizophrenic season continues, and this game will determine whether or not they will end up bowl eligible.)

Prognosis:Has this team given up? This week’s game will settle that question. I say, Fear the Turtle.

7. Vanderbilt (1-4)

            Vandy fell at Ole Miss, mustering only six points and ending any realistic hope of a bowl and a respectable season. At least there is Nashville hot fried chicken, though.

Next week: vs. UNLV (The Runnin’ Rebels come to town and I’m expecting Anderson Hunt to be draining three-pointerss all day.)

Prognosis:Vandy damn well better win this game.

6. Kansas (2-4)

            The Jayhawks actually looked like they belonged on the same football field as Oklahoma for a quarter. In Lawrence, progress is measured in small steps.

Next week: BYE

Prognosis:Let the countdown begin until the next coordinator is fired.

5. Illinois (2-4)

            The Illini got torpedoed by Minnesota, losing their staring QB in the process. In the end, it really doesn’t matter who is quarterbacking this team, you could put Jeff George or Juice Williams out there with this group and 3-9 is still inevitable.

Next week: vs. Michigan (Under Jim Harbaugh, Michigan beats the teams they should. And they certainly should beat Illinois.)

Prognosis: Illinois fans petition to remove ‘Fighting’ from the Fighting Illini name.

4. UCLA (1-4)

            Excuse me, didn’t you used to be Chip Kelly?

Next week: Bye


3. Tennessee (1-4)

            Tennessee went with a new QB this week, and sprung a couple early touchdowns on Georgia. The ‘Dawgs then proceeded to outscore the Vols 43-0. You can’t even tank for a draft pick in college football. Dark, dark days ahead in Knoxville.

Next week: vs. Mississippi State (I’m not sure what to make of the Bulldogs this year, but I do know what to make of Tennessee.)

Prognosis: Dog meat for a second week in a row.

2. Georgia Tech (1-4)

            The Yellowjackets simply look awful. Remember the massive bee dye out that began a few years ago? It’s reached Atlanta, and it is ugly.

Next week: @ Duke (Duke is better than their record. Tech is worse than theirs.)

Prognosis: At least Atlanta still has the Falcons, right?

1.  Rutgers (1-4)

            I’m running out of snarky things to say about Rutgers. At least they fired their coach. Word is they might bring back Greg Schiano. Please, please, please, let them schedule Tennessee if they do.

Next week: @ Indiana (Rarely are the Hoosiers favored in a B1G matchup, but they will be this week. And big.)

Prognosis: Indiana shows Rutgers how old school B1G teams roll.

Schedule Shaming “Game” of The Week

            One of the most egregious offenses in college football is non-conference scheduling. Each week I will single out and ruthlessly shame one program for their gutless scheduling.

Notre Dame 52, Bowling Green 0.

            Wake up the ghosts. Shake down the thunder. Play like a champion. Against…Bowling Green?!? Sometime, later this year, Notre Dame will be wondering if they can still make the playoff if they run the table and finish 11-1. The answer will be no, and this game will be one of the big reasons.

            Second prize to Wisconsin for playing Kent State. Anyone else looking forward to seeing the Badgers and Irish play in 2020 and 21?